The Quest | The Free Press of Reed College

A Serious Resonse to a Sober Freshman

Zach ‘Jerk’ Weinberg ‘11

In last week’s Quest, freshman Rachel Pincus laid out a few guidelines for freshmen-upperclassmen etiquette. I think you really missed the mark, Rachel.

There’s really only one rule governing interactions between freshmen and upperclassmen: all y’all freshmen need to shut the fuck up.

“We served out time as prospies and now we’re just plain old Reedies,” you wrote last week. The fact that you find this to be a reasonable argument only serves as proof to me that you don’t know what you’re talking about. You were a prospie for several days at most. You didn’t have homework, you didn’t have finals and you certainly didn’t go to Renn Fayre. Some of us have been here for three fucking years (and some even longer). We’ve experienced Reed in a way you can’t even imagine three weeks into your freshman year. You ARE a baby Reedie!

Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Like you said, we were all baby Reedies at some point. You grow out of it, you learn new things (both in and out of the classroom, both sober and inebriated, through both mistakes and successes) and you become a different person because of it. If you actually think that there’s no difference between a freshman and a senior, then you should drop out of college right now. You’re supposed to change drastically in the next four years. Otherwise why would you be here?

And for future reference, Olde Reed isn’t dead because of a different Hum syllabus (which, from what I understand, has changed for the better) or because of how the CSOs deal with drug violations (again, I think an improvement from the past). As a general rule of thumb, Olde Reed died the year before you started here. Ask anyone from the class of ‘09 and they’ll tell you that no one here now even had a taste of what Olde Reed was like. Olde Reed describes a culture — a doctrine, a set of values — that those here before you held that you just can’t understand. An alum once said on ReedLJ (not that you know what that is what with your fancy-pants Facepage and Twatter accounts) that when he was here in the ‘60s, Olde Reed was already dead. It’s a fact. Accept it.

I’m not saying you guys suck — shit, you’re a lot better than last year’s freshmen.

Feel free to make fun of the sophomores — I can almost guarantee you that you’re better than they are. I’m just saying that you can’t expect to be treated like an upperclasswoman until you are one.

Next time you wanna say something like this, take it up with ReedLJ. We need a good old fashioned flame war. For fuck’s sake.

Zach ‘Jerk’ Weinberg ‘11

4 Responses to “A Serious Resonse to a Sober Freshman”
  1. Gary says:

    You nailed it.

  2. Susanna says:

    Wow, you really demonstrate your maturity here in your elitist article that rests solely upon age-based generalizations. Nice work, I’m glad I have such sophistication and advancement to look forward to. It’s good to know that once I enter the campus as a junior I will immediately understand just how stupid everyone that is 12-24 whole months younger than me is, and how we really do need to get them to shut the fuck up. How dare they speak from their uncultured point of view.

    Who the hell do you think you are? If this egotism is representative of Reed, then I’m sure as fuck not coming.

  3. o says:

    o susanna
    this is a joke
    get real

  4. Someone give this guy a medal!
    He scrupulously conducted a synopsis of social prestige at Reed, and now more and more people understand it.
    I want to go to Reed, and now at least I know what to expect as a freshman

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