The Quest | The Free Press of Reed College

Senate Beat

Part I: The BEAT: Nothing Happened

No really. At 16 minutes, 42 seconds, this may have broken the record for shortest Senate meeting ever. There are only two things you should know: First, next week’s Senate meeting will be moving to Eliot 314 to accommodate RAW. Second, you should apply for the following positions and committees: Elections Czar, Diversity Committee, Nitrogen Day Czar, and Gray Fund Committee.

Other fun things:

OSHA certified AB-B to recognize hazards.

Appointments Committee appointed Duncan Law to be assistant Ping Pong Room Manager.

Drug and Alcohol Committee is still trying to figure out when the evaluators are gonna descend upon our campus like a plague. Sometime in late April (so the 20th?).

Will still wants to talk to Gary Granger about dogs.

Jenny talked about sustainability for a while. They are curious about the new Performing Arts Centers sustainableness. And the A2 student garden submitted a budget, so pretty please fund that.

You should do the Honor Council survey. The link is in SBInfo. HC will be using this info for a Reed Union. Wayy cool.

Even though the student Diversity Committee doesn’t have all of it’s members, they selected Martha Janicki as their interim chair.

JCDubs also brought up the joint CSO and Health Center plans of hiring student workers for Friday/Saturday nights to serve as an extra pair or two of eyes. They’ll walk around, including the dorms, to just make sure everyone is okay. They’ll be funded through the Health Center.

Finance Committee screwed your favorite wing organization…AGAIN. Even though senate funded CAVE, \uncommons\, Ladies Pie Society, and Cookies for All for all of their events (and essentially Bagels and Schmear who had rollover funds), they only gave FOTQ enough for 1 event. Finance Committee, you’re on notice.

See, nothing happened. Since nothing happened and we have space to fill, we present you with part II and III of our column:

Part II: Poetry

We feel that this space would be better used by writing haikus about Torra Spillane, Head Treasurer, Extraordinaire:

Hair: long shiny black
Short red dress, key to my soul
Pretty please fund wings

Torra you so sex-
-e. Baby you are money.
Aww yeah. Uh huh. Yeah.

Part III: Senatecest Enquirer

Executive session! AB-B walked in on Nora and Will finishing up “executive business.”

The road to splitsville isn’t paved with wings. GaronT filed for divorce as long-time lover Schwartz blocked funding for Garon’s firey group.

Committee work provides chances for senators to get close. Aidan and Meg are on SCAPP together: Senators Copulating After Privatemeetingswiththe President.

Doggy style? Will is a little too concerned about the dog policy imo. Just saying. Yeah, we went there.

Is the Beat biased? We won’t say which sexy App Comm chair spilled state secrets during pillow talk.

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