The Quest | The Free Press of Reed College

The Sexual Intellectual, AKA The Fucking Know-It-All: “Confessions of a Premature Ejaculator”

So… I have this friend. He’s a pretty decent looking guy and doesn’t have much trouble sealing the deal when it comes to people he’s attracted to, but…well, he has this “problem.” It’s not necessarily a medical condition or any kind of psychological disorder but, sometimes, he gets a little too excited by foreplay and by the time he starts having sex, the show’s pretty much over.

To be frank, he’s a premature ejaculator. Even though there’s nothing really wrong with him, when it happens he’s deeply embarrassed in front of sexual partners.

This problem was driving him to desperation – he couldn’t talk to the girls he slept with about it and wasn’t quite ready to broach that subject with his male friends, so, he did what any totally hopeless/desperate person would do. He asked me “Tristan, what can I do to help my situation?” I was clueless about how to help him, never having ejaculated prematurely in my life, not once, never, ever…EVER… but I’ve done my best to research the problem and this is what I’ve turned up:

Not only are condoms helping stop the spread of STDs, preventing unwanted pregnancies, and are generally the greatest invention of the 20th century, but – there are condoms out there that can help you to maximize your playtime. Using a chemical called benzocaine, condom-makers have created a numbing lubricant to slightly desensitize the penis if you feel you are too sensitive (a blessing and a curse). I would recommend the Durex Brand “Performax” over the Trojan Brand “Extended Pleasure,” as the Trojan brand has benzocaine on the inside and outside of the condom, causing the cavity (mouth, vagina, anus, whatever) to become numb as well, which may not be your intention in using these products.

Unfortunately, these condoms also have a history of backfire. They may make your penis too insensitive to reach orgasm or even to maintain an erection. So, if you’re a little more squeamish about freely applying numbing chemicals to your penis (as I myself am on that particular side of the fence), there are alternative methods.

If you’re like most guys and this isn’t an extreme case (like Lonely Island’s “Jizz In My Pants” status), then it helps to masturbate beforehand. Generally, flogging the dolphin before you go out helps – boosts your testosterone levels, giving you a burst of energy, allows you to de-stress, and helps you last longer in bed later in the evening.

For slightly more chronic cases, practice makes perfect. In order to do this it helps to have a patient, steady, and understanding partner to help you (and themselves, who will surely reap the benefits!). When you begin to have sex, once you feel as if you’re about to have an orgasm, pull out immediately and calm yourself down a bit with deep breaths, then start again. If you keep at it, you will begin to last for longer amounts of time and begin to feel like you have more control over your orgasms.

Aside from being open to this practice, the best advice I can give to partners of men with this “problem” is to be (ironically) SUPER-Sensitive, not in the sexual sense per se, but definitely in the emotional/psychological sense. Premature ejaculation is an extremely embarrassing moment in the sex life of a guy and criticizing him for it is not going to do anyone any good.

Bring the issue up carefully.

That being said for the partner, there is an all-important point for men faced with a premature ejaculation situation, a running theme in my articles: HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR ABOUT IT.

If it happens to you, don’t awkwardly act like it didn’t just happen or cower sobbing in a corner of the room – make a joke. Example: “Holy shit, 5 seconds! A new record!” Or, you could always feign romantic: “Baby, you’re just so hot I couldn’t help myself.” In the end, it helps to remember that your partner would probably be far more hurt if you didn’t cum at all.

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