The Sexual Intellectual, AKA The Fucking Know-It-All: “Confessions of a Premature Ejaculator”

So… I have this friend. He’s a pretty decent looking guy and doesn’t have much trouble sealing the deal when it comes to people he’s attracted to, but…well, he has this “problem.” It’s not necessarily a medical condition or any kind of psychological disorder but, sometimes, he gets a little too excited by foreplay and by the time he starts having sex, the show’s pretty much over. To be frank, he’s a premature ejaculator. Even though there’s nothing really wrong with him, when it happens he’s deeply embarrassed in front of sexual partners. This problem was driving him to desperation – he couldn’t talk to the girls he slept with about it and wasn’t quite ready to broach that subject with his male friends, so, he did what any totally hopeless/desperate person would do.

The Sexual Intellectual, AKA The Fucking Know-It-All: An Ode to Going Down

Lewis Black, the angry yet eloquent sociopolitical comedian once said, “Curling should be taken out of the Olympics and replaced with oral sex – it’s harder than curling, and if you’re any good at it, you deserve a medal!” I couldn’t agree more with Mr. Black. Unfortunately my written appeals to the IOC have all been blatantly disregarded. They must consider oral sex less of an Olympic sport than a fine art, which, I suppose, it is. Olympic sport or not, there is one thing of which I’m certain: receiving oral sex can and should be one of the most pleasurable experiences in a lover’s life. Giving it: possibly more so.

The Sexual Intellectual, AKA The Fucking Know-It-All: Sex Tips for Girls Revisited

This past summer I came across a book entitled “Sex Tips for Girls” in the bargain bin of a vintage store called Smut. The cover sported a pair of fishnetted legs in red heels, enough to capture my attention and interest (as it should any het male). Penned by humorist and journalist Cynthia Heimel (whose name curiously sounds like “hymen”) circa 1985, the tome is a bit dated, but full of useful tidbits for males and females alike. I suggest you glimpse it, if not for informational purposes, then for the many hours giggling uncontrollably you’ll doubtlessly spend while reading it (unless you’re clueless, in which case it’s purely for the former reason). As a sex advice enthusiast, I feel it necessary to share some of Ms. Heimel’s wisdom.