Queditor Piper S. McKeever Tragically Dies at the Brittle Old Age of 21 (Again)
Dear Student Body,
Once again, we are writing to you to announce that Queditor Piper S. McKeever has returned to the other side, but this time with substantially less devastation due to the closure we received from her time back from the beyond with us. Piper died on the night of October 31, 2025, which is kind of metal if you think about it.
The very same brave Quest writer who was able to summon Piper briefly to interview her about the circumstances of her first death took it upon themself to try their hand at a temporary solution to the permanent problem. Through a mixture of magic and good luck, she was brought back after the summertime was over and asked to return to the Quest. Piper, of course, was not pleased with this arrangement.
“I was brutally murdered outside of Bragdon and you dare ask me to return to, what?, copy edit Senate Beat? The very same thing that led to an extremely misled political assassination in the first place? Good one. That’s so hilarious and ludicrous that I probably came up with it.” Alas, the famously humble and humorous editor did return post-posthumously to her post, and only complained around 6,817 times about the entire ordeal, which turns out to be on the low end when compared to the average complaints-per-term-per-Queditor count.
As all magic does, it eventually started to wear off. What at first appeared to be possibly a late diagnosis of juvenile arthritis or the world’s worst and first eternal hangover was actually her spirit slowly and excruciatingly siphoning from her body once again, as the Quest writer went against both the laws of nature and God. Piper was punished for this transgression even though she pretty much had nothing to do with their imprudence. She actively resisted her resurrection until she decided that it would be better to give up and maybe use her extra time on earth to annoy her sister from one thousand miles away or wear increasingly absurd graphic t-shirts.
As she was preparing her decidedly unsexy Kyle Broflovski from South Park costume at 10am that fateful Friday, she inhaled just enough red hair spray to cause her weakened lungs to give out. Her roommate, who neglected to inform her that he had decided to move out and live full-time in his physics lab to save on rent and utilities, was not present to save her. It was only when her thesis desk partner noticed that she had not returned that day to brood over how she would prove Derek Parfit wrong that someone knew something was amiss. She was found on her bathroom floor with Judy Garland still blasting from her phone and a hardly touched can of Huel Energy on the counter. It was a sad yet strangely fitting scene. The rumor mill has circulated that her very last words were later, losers, which tracks, but we have no way of knowing. All that we can say now is that she will be missed, more or less.