An In-Depth Ranking of Every Bathroom at Reed

This article was originally going to be filler, but as I kept working on it, it gradually became more and more serious. In the process of writing this article, I discovered that at least three other people had also thought of doing something similar, which indicates to me that there may be interest in the topic.

My goals with this article are to encourage us to pay more attention to the mundane aspects of our lives, provide entertainment, give advice on which bathrooms are best when you really need to take a dump (and which dorms are best if you want a good shower), and comment on accessibility or the lack thereof.

Fun fact: I estimate that there are approximately 300 bathrooms on our campus, about two-thirds of which are in residence halls. That’s a lot of bathrooms. Shoutout to our wonderful custodians for keeping all of them clean! 

Academic buildings

Library, single-user accessible: They’re clean and nice and spacious, but why do the doors close so slowly? When I’m standing there about to piss myself I need the doors to get their act together and shut quickly. “Also the lights are motion activated, so if I’m sitting there shitting for a while, they turn off and I have to flail my arms around to get them back on. You can quote me on that.” - Sofie Braunstein ‘28. 7/10

Library, down the stairs from the reference room: The stalls are so tiny that it’s often hard to squeeze in and close the door (accessibility fail *thumbs down*). The marble is beautiful though and it has funky vibes. 5/10

Library, Dr. Seuss (by the IMC and VRC): Beautiful, gorgeous, amazing, no notes. 10/10

Library, upstairs by the study rooms: I’m told the men’s bathroom has wonderful grout-themed graffiti. The gender-neutral one was sadly lacking in groutstanding pun graffiti. It had two stalls but was so quiet and out of the way that I felt like I was in a single-user bathroom. Otherwise, there’s nothing remarkable. 6/10

Physics/Biology: The bathrooms themselves are perfectly average: typical stall size and nice, colorful tiles. The problem is that there are no bathrooms on the ground floor on the Physics side, so you have to go up or down or venture over to the far-off lands of Biology. The first-floor Bio bathrooms have very cramped stalls when opening the doors, and the one accessible single-user bathroom is not immediately apparent. 5/10 

Psychology: “There’s only one set of bathrooms in the entire building, and every single stall has a flyer taped to the back telling you to take a survey or sign up for an EEG scan. 5/10.” - Ray Perry ‘27

Chemistry: Aris Hughes ’28 appreciates the 200-level Chem bathrooms: “they smell a bit like chemicals but they're usually very clean and the stalls have like full walls with no weird gaps and iirc the doors open outwards so they're easy to get into.” I agree with Aris that more bathroom doors should open outwards; it would make everything easier. 7/10

ETC, first floor: “ETC 1st floor bathroom has the same problem as the studio art building, where you get squeezed if you have a backpack on and try to close the stall door. 5/10.” - Violet Burns ‘25

ETC, second floor: I have never been in a bathroom that felt so much like the department it was in. The tiles are a shade of light brown that looks like parchment, with accents of muted red and blue. The door is a wonderful shade of natural wood. The entire color scheme feels distinctly GLAM. The bathroom itself is perfectly average but I have to give it points for the theme. 9/10

ETC, third floor: Last night, I dreamed that I went to check out the third floor bathroom to see if it was the same as the second floor, and in my dream the third floor of the ETC was the CS department and it was really cool. The walls were all black and there were mini exhibits about computer history lit with little blue and purple spotlights, and there was also some kind of roller coaster? Anyway, then I made it to the bathroom and it was not clean and fancy and extravagant: it was ugly and had dirty tile in boring, normal colors and an ugly purple counter like the second floor single-user bathroom in the library that’s not quite as nice as the normal accessible bathrooms. Then dream me got lost and was late to class and Ellen Millender was mad at me. ???/10

Vollum: I spend so much time pissing in the Vollum bathrooms in that ten minute break between one class and another. They look exactly how I’d expect a college bathroom to look: plain, scratched blue doors, boring tile floor, an alarming likelihood of running into your professor while washing your hands. The counters are always wet and I frequently leave with an annoying wet patch on my shirt. Also, why are they such a common location for hate graffiti? 5/10

Eliot, multistall: They say the best college bathrooms are always in the Admissions building and they’re not wrong. The first floor bathroom is especially beautiful, but so are the mirror bathrooms on the second and third floor. It’s very clean and fancy. The second floor has unfortunate scary windows in the stalls. 8/10

Eliot, fourth floor single-user: It’s so tiny that it’s almost scary but otherwise not bad. It also has a trapdoor. This one gets bonus points for being the only bathroom on its floor. “Very grandma's house vibe.” - Apollo Forhan ‘26. “It’s nice but it’s too close to Jan [Mieskowski]’s office, so I can feel his presence seeping through the wall.” - Jonah Cowden ‘28. 7/10

PAB: I will admit that I have not used any of the bathrooms in the PAB in recent memory, but multiple theatre people told me that the PAB bathrooms are some of their favorites. However, “there’s been at least one instance where I opened the door and there was a lot of either blood or ketchup on the floor; I didn’t want to go find out.” - Reyya Edmin ‘28. 8/10

Studio Art: I do not have swipe into Studio Art, so I am relying solely on the feedback of others. “Like an average public restroom, like it’s not actively bad but not great either.” - Ace Williams ‘28. “Non accessible stalls are too small to get out of without squishing and uncomfortable despite the fact that I am a small person.” - Ella Bender ‘26. 5/10

Student spaces

GCC, upstairs: Perfectly average: boring walls, regular-sized stalls, clean, adequate, nothing remarkable except the failure of the graffiti ban here, which is far beyond the scope of this article. 6/10

GCC, downstairs: The graffiti was their only redeeming quality. They’re cramped and dirty in my opinion. 3/10

SU: My initial thought was “have these bathrooms ever been cleaned ever,” which I admit is uncharitable. I was assured by a friend who worked as an SU cleaner last year that the bathrooms are even worse to clean than they are to use, as the cleaners did not have adequate cleaning supplies and they were only cleaned twice a week despite the amount of foot traffic that the SU gets. 1/10

Sports Center: Love me a bathroom that was designed from the beginning to be gender-neutral. There’s wonderful privacy in the stalls and a good open design. I do enjoy a fresh, clean bathroom, but this one does somewhat lack character. 8/10

Aspen, behind Canyon Cafe: I didn’t know there were bathrooms there for most of my freshman year. Nice single-user stalls, pretty mint green walls, great place to stress poop before your HUM final. Last time I was there they did stink to the high heavens though. 7/10

Student Center: “they’re all accessible and all stock feminine hygiene products consistently & reliably. Wish they had cool lighting or smth” - Rain Tronoski ‘26. 8/10

Other buildings

Kaul: pretty typical theater bathrooms, lacking in personality. My memory of them is forever colored by the time one of my friends got scraped up and the CSO we called brought us in there to patch her up under better light. Other than that, nothing remarkable. 6/10

Greenwood: “The bathrooms are down a poorly lit flight of stairs. It's like you're venturing into a dungeon. But then you open the door and there are actually lights (normal lights, but they seem wonderful compared to the dungeon you were just in). 3/10” - Ray

Greywood: the single-user bathrooms here are much like the library ones and have no distinguishing characteristics that I remember. 6/10

28 West: I ended up pissing here as a last resort as it is, to my knowledge, the only bathroom on this side of campus that you can get to without swipe into one of the residence halls after Canyon Cafe closes. The bathroom was boring as hell but all I remember is the sweet, sweet relief of pissing when I’d been holding it for a while. Plus, you can grab a trading card from the Community Safety dispatcher on your way out! 7/10

Prexy: Ella complains that they have unsettling lighting and bad vibes, but Ace Lackey ’27 appreciated the spacious nature of the accessible bathrooms, despite them being out of the way. I did not have access to Prexy when I checked, so I am unable to weigh in. I’ll average their ratings to 6/10. 

DoJo: No one remembers anything remarkable about these bathrooms. 5/10

HCC: “felt like a very good hospital bathroom. clean, organized, and had warm lighting. still gave off the vibe of a hospital bathroom beneath all the glamour though. 8.5/10” - Ace W.

Residence halls

I have not been in every dorm on campus, for obvious reasons, so here I am relying heavily on reviews from other people. Shoutout to the WMD Discord server at large.

Trillium: I miss the Trillium bathrooms. They are beautiful and perfect and have so much space and privacy and wonderful mirrors and the most gender-neutral design. Some say Trillium is soulless, but to that I would say, that’s a skill issue and you need to decorate more. My one grievance is that only one of the three showers in my wing actually had good water pressure. 8/10 

FSM: As a proud FSM resident, I maintain that FSM gets more hate than it deserves. The bathrooms have good amounts of privacy and I appreciate the water temperature and pressure of all our showers. I will acknowledge, however, that many of the doors don’t close quite right and the floor is always a little bit flooded. I am unfortunately not in good company with this opinion, as Apollo said, and I quote, “Macnaughton 2/10 why’s it like that.” I will, however, stand by my ranking of 5/10.

Naito/Sullivan: “Fine although some (but not all) of the showers take forever to get hot. 7/10” - Ray

Bragdon: “The floors by the showers are uneven and keep flooding so you have to be very careful when getting dressed or else your clothes will get soaked. Otherwise, it's fine—aside from the time someone dyed their hair red in the shower and it looked like there had been a murder. At least, I’m hoping it was just dye and not murder. 5/10” - Ray

Grove: It gets good reviews for being new and clean, for having full doors on the stalls, as opposed to normal public-bathroom-style stall doors with awful gaps, and for the slightly more spacious private showers. However, multiple sources complain about how the sink shelves are slanted and therefore one’s toothbrush likes to fall off. (Thanks to Ella, Ace L, and Rain.) 8/10

Anna Mann: Ella says these bathrooms are cute and private, but “drainage is bad and water collects on the floor when people don't leave the shower curtain inside the shower. Also bugs.” Ace L. adds that “the water closet style used for the majority of the bathrooms is actually super effective, providing maximum privacy while allowing people to shower and use the toilet separately in most cases” but wishes there was more than one accessible bathroom. 7/10

Cross Canyons: Apollo says the Cross Canyons (or at least McKinley) have large spiders and light timers that are comically short; Ella says they have “extremely evil vibes.” 4/10

ODB, first floor east: Sources agree that the bathrooms in the accessible wing (first floor east) are fantastic: spacious, well-lit, good water pressure, and some of the best showers on campus. 8/10

ODB, all other wings: Most other bathrooms in ODB are reportedly very cramped; Ace L. says the showers feel “tiny and precarious,” and Ella reports that one “had molding walls and the shower kept clogging.” Special shout-outs to the Winch upstairs bathroom, which Lin Gaston ‘27 describes as “a product of evil and spite. Whoever made the ceiling near it wanted to kill anyone taller than them. Also where the fuck is the light switch in there,” and the Westport Oubliette, “a tiny closet bathroom on the basement level that I recommend everyone at least look at once because it is objectively hilarious and feels like it shouldn't exist,” according to Ace L. One anonymous source also complained that the walls are super thin, so “you can often hear people showering or doing,,, other things,,,,” Overall, ODB bathrooms outside the accessible wing get a rating of 4/10.

Language Houses: Most Language Houses have house-style bathrooms with shower tubs, which Sofie says are great due to the privacy and limited number of people using them. However, Helen Henry ‘26 complains, “I am consistently unsure whether or not the door is locked, the bath mat is usually wet, and there is a shower rod at prime head bonking height.” Spanish House, meanwhile, has bathrooms like the Grove, which also get good reviews. 8/10

RCAs and Birchwoods: “would be a 10/10 just because you don’t have to wear shoes in the shower, only it’s impossible to figure out how the shower turns on - I spent five minutes trying to figure it out before giving up and asking a friend. 9/10” - Ray (author’s note: I have been in Ray’s bathroom and they did tell me to avoid the troll in the bathtub multiple times so I would have to rate it more like an 8/10 due to fear of being eaten by said troll)

Finally, I will give a shoutout to the bathrooms on the airplane where I am finishing up this article (what, don’t tell me you’ve never procrastinated your work until the very end of fall break). A flight attendant described the lavatories as “spacious,” but I feel like the most generous descriptor I could offer would be “sardine can” or perhaps “coffin.” The walls are covered in mirrors, perhaps to try to make them seem more spacious, but really they only serve to make it feel like a hall of mirrors. 1/10