Overheard at Reed

Special thanks to Charlotte Applebaum for submitting some of these. She may have uttered one of these statements, but she will leave it up to you to guess which one.

“Can I check your anatomy for a bridge piercing?” 

"You can't blame all your problems on the Reed College Social Experiment."

"That sounds exactly like what a conductor of the Reed College Social Experiment would say." - two first years somewhere near Trill in the dead of night 

Gotcha there, liberal

"If I end up voting for a store bought pie, it’s on sight." - psych faculty pie competition in the psych lounge 

"Even the worst religions have erotic poetry."

I’m still waiting on the Scientology porn…

"You'd think it would be hard to say until they're like ‘Give us your five-year-old, we're going to cut their heart out on this altar.'"

“She’s got an HDMI cord pussy”

"Ah yes, the three genders: Japanese, French, and epenthesis."

"The Germans invented Kant."

Actually, when you get enough of the worst people in a HUM conference together, they invent Kant all by themselves.

“It’s been two weeks until Thanksgiving for the past two weeks.”

“There are so many answers for why you might have a pig in your pussy. Industrial accident? Catapult incident?”

“That was a Freudian slip-n-slide.”

“He wants you to think he’s a golden retriever.”

Performative male or dog, what’s the difference?

“It’s like a virgin computer.”

“Religion is like loading the dishwasher. You know that the way you do it is the right way, and everyone else’s way of doing it is wrong.”

Now where does the erotic poetry factor into this?

“I’m feeling frolical and whimsical.”

“You can tell if someone’s a math major by whether or not they know multiplication. If they don’t, they’re a math major.”

“Swivel chairs are literally God’s gift.”

“It’s very much like a non-productive hairball.”