Quest-en-Scéne: Winter Movie Quiz
What’s your favorite winter beverage?
Hot chocolate
Black coffee
Sleepy tea
Hot cider
Lukewarm beer
What’s your favorite snow activity?
Snowball fight
Ski jumping
Snow walk
Catching snowflakes on your tongue
Polar plunge
What’s your favorite animated holiday movie?
Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer
The Polar Express
Klaus
A Charlie Brown Christmas
Robert Zemeckis’ A Christmas Carol
What’s your favorite spot in the library?
Dr. Seuss bathroom
Rafters
Thesis Tower
Rest is Resistance room
Circulation desk
Pick a Religion:
Catholicism
Evangelicalism
Buddhism
Paganism
Scientology
What’s your favorite holiday song?
“Wonderful Christmastime” by Paul McCartney
“Fairytale of New York” by The Pogues
“Frosty the Snowman” by Bladee
“Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” by Judy Garland
“Baby it’s Cold Outside” by the Glee cast
Which Yankee Candle smell would you pick?
Christmas Cookie
Cranberry Sauce
Midsummer’s Night
Christmas Tree
Conductor’s Coal
What’s your New Year's resolution for next semester?
Start a polycole
Transfer/drop out
Start aura farming
Study in Canyon Cafe more often
Become a CSO
If you got mostly A’s, then you should watch a Snow Movie (fun)
Snowpiercer (2013): After a failed attempt to solve global warming, Earth has been trapped in a permanent ice age. The solution? Gather all of humanity into a high speed train traveling the world’s circumference, with the rich living in the luxury first class while the rest of humanity lives in squalor at the back of the train. This movie is action-packed, has a lot of interesting things to say about the intersections of class and climate anxiety, and is—as the name suggests— filled with snow.
Fargo (1996): Fargo is the Coen brothers’ first foray into the primal land of Minnesota/North Dakota and it is delightfully evil. The energy of driving down a snowy highway at 2am is wrought upon sleepy towns and used car lots: hilarity ensues. Maybe it's the Canadian/Midwestern accent punctuating every scene that shifts this film into overdrive, or maybe it's the star-studded cast. Probably both.
The Gold Rush (1925): It may be celebrating its 100th birthday, but this movie is as funny today as it was in the 20s. This is a wonderful movie to watch curled up with hot chocolate while it pours icy rain outside, because you’ll feel extra warm in comparison to Charlie Chaplin, who stars in this movie as a wandering tramp with a heart of gold trying and failing to find riches and love amid snowstorms in the Alaskan Gold Rush.
Scott Pilgrim vs. the World (2010): I’m sure most students at Reed know what Scott Pilgrim is, but basically this asshole falls in love with his dream girl and has to defeat her “seven evil exes” in video game fashion. There’s tons of snow so it’s a certified winter classic.
Withnail & I (1987): This actually funny yet devastatingly sad British comedy film will have you adopting niche bits of ‘60s British lingo into your everyday speech. For example, instead of saying that you’re going to the bathroom, you will insist that you’re going to have a slash. Or is that what you say when you’re having a cigarette? Withnail and Marwood (I) smoke and pee a lot in this. Thank you, George Harrison.
If you got mostly B’s, then you should watch an Ice Movie (fucked up)
Anatomy of a Fall (2023): Incredibly thrilling, deeply psychological look into a marriage and a murder. Beautiful house, freezing cold-environment, some of the best child and dog acting ever! Awesome movie.
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (2011): The haunting Swedish winter? Badass punk hacker Rooney Mara? Daniel Craig solving a tense and compelling mystery 10 years before Knives Out? What more could you possibly want from a film?
The Ascent (1977): After the frozen Soviet film industry (under Stalin) finally thawed (under Khrushchev) into a pool of stagnant water (under Brezhnev), Larisa Shepitko released The Ascent, which is, ironically, freezing cold. It tells the story of Soviet partisans trapped in German occupied territory fighting to survive the relentless onslaught of man and God. A brutal film.
The Shining (1980): It’s best to watch this movie when you’re snowed in and feeling your grip on reality begin to falter. What’s better in such a state than watching Jack Nicholson put on one of the best (and wackiest/most terrifying) performances of his life in an austere, evil hotel with Shelley Duvall as his terrified wife?
Carol (2015): Are you a lesbian? Do you think Cate Blanchett, or older women in general, are hot? Do you like being sad? If you answered yes to any of these questions, watch this insanely fucked up lesbian Christmas movie! You won’t regret it.
If you got mostly C’s, then you should watch a Frost Movie (atmosphere)
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004): I don’t even know what to say. It’s heartbreaking, there are sweaters, and they’re in a snowy atmosphere for most of the film. Elijah Wood is a little creep. If you haven’t watched this movie yet, please give it a watch this winter season!
The Conversation (1974): A surveillance expert is hired by a wealthy businessman’s assistant (Harrison Ford) to track a young couple. As he decodes an audio recording of their conversation, he realizes with horror that he may have put them in grave danger. There is a Christmas tree in the background of a shot once, so it is a Christmas movie.
Evil Does Not Exist (2023): This film is slow and deeply methodical; it puts you into a trance, as if the snowy nature itself is lulling you to sleep (in the least boring way imaginable I promise). Propelled by an incredible Eiko Ishibashi score and some of the most interesting capitalism-related commentary in any contemporary film. I love this film so fucking much y’all you don’t even know oh my god this movie is so good man.
Citizen Kane (1941): I’m sure most readers have learned what happens in this movie through cultural osmosis (I know I have), but it’s still a super compelling watch. Following the death of a wealthy newspaper mogul, the people close to him unravel his legacy while trying to make sense of his mysterious last words. A classic example of a movie where you think, “no way is it actually as good as people say,” and then it really is that good!
Inside Llewyn Davis (2013): Basically the best Bob Dylan biopic ever made (although I’m Not There is also very good). It is carried by Oscar Isaac delivering one of the best performances of the 21st century. It has a great, freezingly cold environment, incredible music, and an awesome little cat friend who gets up to mischief.
If you got mostly D’s, then you should watch a Fireplace Movie (cozy)
Dead Poets Society (1989): It dismays me that so many Reedies have not seen this movie, especially those who live in ODB. I mean, if you live in ODB, you basically live in the school from Dead Poets Society. Also, the characters in this movie are basically Reedies: frustrated with their school and inspired by a beloved teacher (Robin Williams), a group of students form a secret club dedicated to reading and writing poetry.
The Holdovers (2023): An instant holiday classic that will have you craving cherry flambé and somehow pining for the city of Boston. Dominic Sessa, in his first major motion picture role, plays a boarding school student left to fend for himself during a long winter break. He finds reluctant companionship along the way with Paul Giamatti’s character, his classics teacher, and Da’vine Joy Randolph, the school’s cafeteria manager. It’s charming and heartwarming, and bitterly funny.
Alone 180 Days on Bikaul Lake (2011): A lovely little film that features exactly what you’d expect: a man spending 180 days in solitude by Bikaul Lake. We follow writer and nature-lover Sylvain Tesson as he is forced to bear the harsh weather, hoping to reach some semblance of insight. He finds comfort in this beautiful environment, as well as the literature, cigars, and vodka he has with him. It’s only 50 minutes long and on YouTube, and it’s a quietly cathartic, comforting experience.
The Umbrellas of Cherbourg (1964): An opera-esque film with bright colors and beautiful scenery and costumes. The most heartbreaking scene takes place in winter (in the snow), so I consider this a very wintery film. Grab a blanket and some warm treats and get your heart broken all over again with this film.
Tokyo Godfathers (2003): A fun, heartwarming film about three homeless people finding a baby on Christmas Eve and doing everything in their power to find her family. The tone of the film wildly oscillates between silly and extremely emotional, a fact accentuated by Satoshi Kon’s expressive animation style.
If you got mostly E’s, then you should watch a Bad Winter Movie™
Eight Crazy Nights (2002): A really fucking bad “adult-animated musical comedy holiday film” starring and inspired by the songs of Adam Sandler. Follows the escapades of Adam Sandler’s characters Davey and Whitey as they navigate the world of drunken youth intermedial basketball. Toilet humor punctuates every second of this film, even in the midst of delirium tremens induced seizures.
The Gingerdead Man (the entire series): There are literally no words to describe this series. Imagine Chucky but a gingerbread man with a “Got Milk?” line drop. It had a budget of maybe a quarter and a vision. Also, the Gingerdead Man faces off vs. Evil Bong in Gingerdead Man vs. Evil Bong so it warms my heart to know that there’s an MCU for shitty movies.
The Snowman (2017): Deeply disturbing and enthralling. Every piece of information slowly dials the stakes up higher and higher into it all collapses with one of the most shocking and horrific endings in any film. It is an absolute masterpiece that needs to be experienced knowing nothing. I am also lying, by the way.
Frostbiter: Wrath of the Wendigo (1995): Have you ever wanted to watch a winter themed Evil Dead ripoff? Here’s your chance! This movie is over the top and ridiculous, it was only made on a budget of 125k but somehow looks even cheaper.
Santa Jaws (2018): No matter how crazy your family gets during the holidays, do not draw a shark wearing a Santa Claus hat and wish that it would come alive and kill them. The effects could be disastrous.